I’m just not feeling it.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea of honoring motherhood is a beautiful concept. But, we should honor our mothers everyday. Can I be honest and say that I’m a little weary of the special “days” we set aside for honoring important people in our lives? It is good to spread awareness, to say…”this matters”. The problem, however, lies in the expectations we place on such special days.

We do it at Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day…all those days.

It is a special day. It should be perfect. At Christmas, there should be family and warm feelings filling our homes and our hearts. We must cook a certain favorite dish. It must turn out just right. After all, it’s Christmas. Everything must hold to a certain standard….the decorations, the family Christmas picture. Oh the picture! Nothing can mess that up! And, on Mother’s Day, we should be showered with love and gifts. We shouldn’t have to cook. We should be taken care of and everyone should be on their very best behavior. It’s Mother’s Day after all!

When none of it goes as planned, when we behave just like the broken messes we are, and life looks like the broken mess it is every other day, we are disappointed. Feelings are hurt. Instead of feeling loved and honored, we lament over our unmet expectations. Expectations most assuredly make the top ten list of the most dangerous and destructive things to any relationship. They cause us to act the opposite of what love looks like. (If you are unsure what love should look like, please read I Corinthians 13.)

You want to know what my mom used to say in those moments when our expectations weren’t meant and nothing turned out as planned? She would smile and say, “We’re making a memory.” The best memories came, not from days that turned out perfect, but the ones that made us laugh. The times when the leaky pup tent we crammed our family in slid down the muddy hill in the rain. She always made the best lemonade from the lemons of this life. And, believe me, that woman received more lemons from life than most.

If I can be real, since my mother died five years ago, Mother’s Day has lost it’s luster. Mother’s Day and my birthday have been the days when I dread her absence the most, since she made her home in heaven. I am not one that advocates wallowing in grief, wearing it like a “Woe is me” badge of honor. No. I think you should keep dancing, and living, with freedom and grace. We do not grieve as those with no hope. We are filled with the hope and promise of heaven. But the anticipation of those two days leave me with a heaviness that makes me just want to rebel against the status quo….the expectations. I love the little things the boys/men in this house do to make those days special, and I’m grateful for their acts of love. I won’t lie, of course I would be hurt and disappointed if they ignored Mother’s Day or my birthday. I am a woman with a beating heart, living in the United States of America in the year 2012, after all. But, the truth is, inside, I dread those days a bit. I recoil at the sentimental commercials. Blech.

When asked what you’re doing for Mother’s Day, a part of me wants to answer, “hiding in my bed under the covers until it’s over”. I won’t, of course. I wouldn’t do that to the people I love. I will go to church, and smile. I will accept the flowers the church gives out in honor of Mothers and the Right to Life organization, with gratefulness. Who doesn’t like to get flowers? I will hang out with my boys and Tim, eating the Legion chicken barbecue. And, hopefully, no one will notice that I’m a little mad that Mother’s Day has come again, and she isn’t here. I could search the entire earth, and not find my mother to give her the obligatory, sappy card. This year, if I can be so real, you may wonder if I have any business in ministry. As I’m facing so many goodbyes…so many endings to the chapters of motherhood in my own life, as well as her continued screaming absence from every special day, I want to rebel against all of the expectations. I want to run, like Forrest Gump, without stopping. Just run. Or maybe get the back of a motorcycle with my husband, and take off. Some days, I’m tired of the face we put on that says everything is just fine. If I’m honest, most days I’m tired of that face. And, I’m starting to refuse to hide behind it.

It is good to celebrate mothers, and I will do it, as I encourage you to, as well. But, I also will think of the little boys in the classroom who may not see their mothers, or some children I know who will wake up in the same stinky, hopeless mess they do each day, or the children torn because they aren’t sure which mother to give the gift they made in school to, or the ones, like me, whose mothers are in heaven, nowhere to be found on planet Earth. Also tugging heavily at our hearts are the mothers who ache to hold their children. Mother’s Day, another reminder of what they’ve lost, a dream unfulfilled, a prayer answered but not the way they hoped, a heart-broken and filled with longing. Mothers who long to receive the homemade card with the words “I Love You, Mom” scrawled in five-year-old handwriting.

Everyday, we should celebrate the people we love. We should feel every ounce of joy when we can, and we don’t need a label to do it. And, when we feel like running or wallowing, perhaps we can reach out to those around us, carrying their own broken places. We cannot escape the brokenness of this world. I cannot run far enough to escape the brokenness, the goodbyes, or the missing. And, neither can you. But, maybe if we sit together in it for a while, it will feel a little less lonely. Who knows, maybe we can even make some lemonade and laugh in the middle of it all. I’m pretty sure that’s what my mom and Dinah would do, and it sounds like a good plan.

So, this Mother’s Day, I’ll be lifting my glass of lemonade to all moms out there, in every state of brokenness we find ourselves in. Know you are loved, appreciated, you matter, and you are not alone.

These kids are amazing. Working with them has taught me more than I’ve ever taught most of them. They are forever etched in my heart. And, not only the children in this building, the teachers and staff, as well…incredible, amazing, beautiful-hearted people. But, nothing could have prepared me for the surprise they had waiting for me during lunch a couple weeks ago.

Every year, during an economics unit, the fourth graders choose a charity to raise funds for, serving lemonade and popcorn (and this year footprint and teddy bear shaped cookies, jello, and plants, too!) in exchange for a free will donation. They chose Sufficient Grace Ministries as this year’s charity. And, as you can see…they melted my heart with the beauty of their generosity and love.

They made this poster, using our website!!

There honestly are not words to tell you what these kids mean to me. For weeks, they have made flyers to hang all over the area advertising the event taking place on the night of their 4th grade play at our elementary school, and mentioning Sufficient Grace (if you’re local and interested in attending on May 17th, email me for details).

This sweet gift is even more precious, as I found out just days later that my position is going to change, and I will likely no longer be working with this incredible group of children. If indeed this is goodbye, I can’t think of a more precious send-off.
I’m not sure if they will remember Mrs. Gerken, but I will never forget them.

Perhaps that’s why, even with all my experience saying goodbye, I stink at it, profoundly. Goodbyes. I resist them, dread them, loathe them, do my best to hide from them. They happen anyway. Time marches on relentlessly. Calendars flip. Promises get broken. Children grow up. People walk away. Jobs change. Babies die. Cancer steals life, youth, and breath. Friends change.

Goodbyes were never God’s intention for this Earth and His people. Several years ago, on a visit to the Creation Museum, I was awe-struck, walking through the replica of the Garden of Eden. I’m sure it was only a shadow of the true splendor God created for His beloved Adam and Eve. It hit me with such force, the absence of sin. The beauty of the world He meant for us, and the love that was so evident in His masterpiece. It humbled me to the core to see what God intended for us, and the devastating ways that sin destroyed his gift.

Last summer I blogged about a book by Karen Kingsbury that shares this sentiment well:

“Goodbyes were one of the hardest things about life…one way or another people were always leaving. Always moving on…Life changes. People come and go, and seasons never last.”

“Nothing stays the same. We can count on that. Good times come and go…finances are ever changing…our health will eventually fail us. And through death or decision, everyone we know will someday leave us.”

“All except for Jesus Christ. Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you. And because of that we have strength to love with all our hearts…even unaware of what tomorrow brings. That’s what I want you to take away from today’s service. Jesus stays.” 
(Leaving, Chapter One: by Karen Kingsbury)

Because of that…because Jesus came for us, “we have the strength to love with all our hearts…even unaware of what tomorrow brings”.

Even if another goodbye is on the horizon.

My father mentioned recently that I was rebellious when I was younger. He was right, and I’m feeling rebellious right now. In a good way. You see, the natural inclination would be to run and hide, as I stand staring several goodbyes dead in the eye. I’m going to rebel against the desire to curl up in the fetal position under my covers. Resist the desire to put my guard back up, safely secure behind my shell. Going all in. Even if it hurts…even if it breaks my heart. Going to lean into the fear, facing the giants of pain and loss…to love more, embrace more, live more. The good news is, I don’t have to do it alone. I can hold tightly to the hand of Jesus, for every heart beat.

Because, no matter what, Jesus stays.

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Today, we honor the beautiful Mothers who will never hold their children…mothers all too familiar with goodbyes…those who have watched their dreams dissipate, month after month….and those who have watched heartbeats stop on a screen…those who have held still, silent little ones too briefly in their arms…and those who fit a lifetime of dreams in mere moments, hours, days with the precious bundles they were privileged to hold for a blink of eternity.

Love and peace to all on this International Bereaved Mothers Day…(thank you CarlyMarie…for all you do for grieving hearts!)

Last Sunday, we hosted the SGM Ice Cream Social 2012. We were blessed to serve approximately 150 people a picnic style lunch and ice cream with toppings. Our church family at Harvest Fellowship is truly amazing, and we are so grateful for their continued support, in addition to some other friends who joined us for the day. Thank you to everyone who donated to help raise $1400 for SGM!! Special  thanks to our helpers: Rob and Becki Burner, Steve and Eulene Johnston, Both Tim Gerkens, Hannah Austermiller, Nancy Parry, Richard Betts, and Pastor James Erven.

Also, wanted to give a special thanks to Anne Schwartz, who recently made an online donation of $655 to SGM. Thank you, and God bless you, dear friend!!

Becki works hard each year to host the SGM Ice Cream Social. Isn’t she cute? Love her!

This guy, pictured above. I kind of like him!

These two adorable cuties were a big help…thanks so much, Tim and Hannah! Love them!

And, in case you didn’t see them all dolled up for prom, I just have to show them all dressed up and sparkly…my boy and his girl:

Steve and Eulene pictured above!

Nothing more manly than a couple of handsome men serving up some ice cream to help support grieving mamas!

You may remember praying for my friend, Ginny and her son Tug. Tug and his sister Emily were in a very serious car accident last year. Tug’s injuries were extensive, and he had to re-learn how to talk, walk, and so many things we take for granted each day. I’m happy to report, he has made great strides, returned to school with his classmates and not only walks, he runs!!

Here is his beautiful mother, my dear Ginny-girl:

And…coming up:

SGM Golf Outing 2012 – Saturday, July 7, 2012 at 8am at Country Acres Golf Club in Kalida, Ohio. We need teams and sponsors! More information coming soon!!

Augsust -

Women of Faith (August 3, 2012)

Ride4Grace Motorcycle Run

One Way will be playing at the Corn City Festival

Would never claim to be.

I’m just a girl muddling through the best she can, clinging desperately to the hem of his garment.

But tonight, in the midst of some serious feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy, Moses is on my mind.

Quite possibly, I’ve never felt so ill-equipped, and yet completely called to do something all at the same time.

I wonder if that’s how Moses felt, standing by the burning bush, remembering his sins.

I’m no Moses.

Would never claim to be.

In fact, I’d be the first to tell you all the reasons why I’m not the woman for the job.

I know my weaknesses well.

Like Moses, I could list them, in response to His voice, my feet resting bare on this hallowed ground.

Like Moses, I stand asking, “Who am I that I should go…?”

And, He answers, “I will certainly be with you.”

I’m no Moses.

Would never claim to be.

Still the Who am I’s tug relentlessly, knowing the broken mess that I am.

Like Moses, I am filled with “what-ifs”.

The small still voice, whispers through the darkness of doubt…

My daughter, I delight in making beauty from broken messes like you.

His answers are everywhere. Yet, I remain full of questions.

And, clinging still.

I borrowed the Thank You Note below from our sweet Holly-girl:

The SGM online auction to benefit Sufficient Grace Ministries was a great success again this year. The amount raised through the winning bids was $2,115, which slightly surprised last year’s amount. Of course, the actual amount Sufficient Grace will end up receiving will be slightly less just like last year too considering some bids will not be fulfilled plus paypal fees but I am still extremely happy with how it turned out.

I’m still in the process of getting the last of the money collected and items sent out. It’s definitely been a lot of work but it was much easier this year I think compared to last year to keep track of everything.

I want to thank every person, business, and organization that donated to the auction. Without all of your donations the auction would not have been as successful as it was. Thank you for helping Sufficient Grace Ministries to continue to reach out to grieving women and families!

Those who donated are:

Kelly Gerken
Ashley Fredrickson
Katrina Brooks
Sara Wendt
Deborah Pucci
Tracey Schwiebert
Judy Haas
Linda Putnam
Jillian Richards-Beck
Ian Melchor
Rob Burner
Mattie Wells
Maryline Coste

Beth Martin of Beach Glass Shop
http://www.etsy.com/shop/beachglassshop
Holly Cart of Stitched By Hand
http://www.etsy.com/shop/StitchedByMyHand
Misty Nielson of Writing on the Wall
http://writtenforyourwall.blogspot.com/
Celia Barnes of In Our Hearts Photo Pendants
http://inourheartsphotopendants.blogspot.com/
Erin Foster of Irish Eyes Photography
www.irisheyesphotography.net
Shannon Amador of StrengthAndCourage
http://www.etsy.com/shop/StrengthAndCourage
Mindy Hubenthal of The Hook and Hammer
https://www.facebook.com/TheHookandHammer
Raechel Feehan of Captured Images Photography
https://www.facebook.com/RaechelFeehanPhotography
Ivy Welch, Independent Scentsy Consultant
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ivy-Welch-Independent-Scentsy-Consultant/270580292957571
Sue Mosquera of My Forever Child
www.myforeverchild.com
Lynsey Davis from Coastal Reflections
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Coastal-Reflection-Designs-by-Lynsey-Davis/294491853900924
Carol Escalante of The Styling Center in Deshler, OH
Cindy of Cindy’s Cozy Covers
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cindys-Cozy-Covers/166975226732202
Jenny Less of Project Palmer
www.facebook.com/pages/Project-Palmer/337249116318905
Amy Hall of Katie’s Fighters
www.facebook.com/katiesfighters
Jennifer Sanchez of Jennie’s Crafts
www.facebook.com/jenniescrafts

What a blessing!

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Operation Support Sufficient Grace continues with the upcoming SGM Ice Cream Social, being held at Harvest Fellowship Church,(located on St. Rt. 109 in Hamler, Ohio), beginning at 11:45am and serving until about 1:45pm. All are welcome to attend. There will be a picnic-style lunch of hot dogs, baked beans, chips, and an ice cream sundae with toppings for dessert. Free will donation. All proceeds to benefit Sufficient Grace Ministries.

Coming soon….

SGM Golf Outing – Will set a date soon….looking at early July possibly.

Ride4Grace Motorcycle Run – August?

One Way will be performing at the Corn City Festival on a Sunday later in August.

What can I say? The voice of Stevie Nicks singing Landslide, waxing about handling the seasons of her life, the ocean tide, “children get older….and I’m getting older, too”…just seemed right.

I know, not my typical music these days. Or years.

When I was a teenager, there were few dares I wouldn’t take. I loved the feeling of my hair blowing wild in the wind on the back of a motorcycle. Loved taking the stage. Loved being outrageous, young, and alive. Loved being…what I thought was free.

In my 20s, I was a full-fledged mama. Safe. I thought I wanted to be Amish. I dressed in jumpers, and longed for a brood of children to fill our home. We stood by tiny graves, instead, and held tightly to the little hand of our oldest son.

In our 30s, time is flying. I watched cancer steal my young, beautiful mama. We work hard, building businesses and a ministry. Children grow and change. Lots of running about. And, as the seasons are about to shift, and the tiny hand we once held so tightly is set free, there is an awakening of the crazy girl I once was. I wonder if there’s room for her in my buttoned up life. She is there…in late night impromptu shopping trips, and singing 80s songs on the turnpike, driving home from a trip to Chicago with a car full of boys. She is also there, when she takes the stage to lift her voice in worship beside the boy she has loved since she was that girl.

Aren’t there all types of wild and free? Can we love  and worship Jesus with freedom and abandon, bathing in the grace he showers on us? Can we love the people we meet…where ever they are with wild abandon? There’s nothing more risky than wearing your heart on your sleeve, and loving someone with the crazy love God puts in our hearts. The kind of risk worth taking.

We went to Chicago last weekend. I took the boys….Timothy, his friend Ian (who’s really more like family), and James. (Tim was working, so unable to join us…but we’ll have to go back soon, and bring him along!) We stayed with my father and his sweet wife, Carol. I laughed through most of it, as I do with those boys that I will miss so much when they graduate soon. Carol said that I’ve taken to swooping like my father. He swoops in and out of my life. I think I may swoop in more often from now on. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen my dad laugh so hard, as he did in a discussion with our Ian. It’s funny the unexpected gifts some people bring to our lives. The laughing. The freedom. It has been therapy…music to my soul. Healing for my heart. Restoration, in unlikely places. In meeting other people where they are, I’m learning to embrace the woman I am. Weird, huh? My view of how we walk this walk is changing. More love. More grace.

The boys played guitar at an eclectic little coffee shop called Katie’s Cup in Rockford. A trio played a beautiful song on an upright bass, while the singer sang words about taking her heart if you don’t mind things that are broken, with a voice that caressed my heart. They sang about Jesus…and when we get to heaven…while ladies of the night stood on the corner outside, and people from all walks of life filled the audience. Another read poetry…and one poem was gruesome and hideous. Enough that I felt James’ ears were safer outside until it was finished, despite the ladies on the corner. I stood with him, smiling kindly at the ladies, one of whom complimented my jacket. She had a beautiful smile, and a short spiky hair cut with a short skirt to match. I thought of the lovely song followed later by the horrible poem. The contrast of beauty and ugly not lost on me. It’s the world we live in. Then Ian took the stage, as if he was born to be there. Talking easily into the microphone…being him. He sang and played his guitar with his usual grace. Timothy took the stage next, and I watched my father smile as he listened to the music of my boy, filling the place with beauty. Nothing else mattered. I counted the gifts, feeling the fullness of the moment.

I love the piece above. It was donated to the SGM auction, by Ian, (young man of many talents). To me, it captures a woman who is free. She is free to live, and be the person God created her to be. She is free from the legalism we impart on ourselves. Free from the opinions of others. Free from the worries of this life. She is dancing barefoot, like my friend Lynnette Kraft. Or pursuing her Savior like my friend, Joye. She is dancing every dance with her high school sweetheart at prom….or planning a graduation party for her oldest boy. She is worshipping her Savior with complete abandon. Maybe even climbing on the back of a motorcycle. At least that’s what I see when I look at this picture.

John 8: 32 - And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

John 8: 36 – Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

Galatians 5:1 - Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Maybe, I’m more free than I’ve ever been. Maybe clinging to my Savior, as we fly through life, encountering people who cross our path and finding ways to reach out with unleashed love…maybe that’s even more wild and free than riding a motorcycle without a helmet, hair blowing in the wind. Maybe letting go of the stuff that holds us back and makes us less than we were meant to be is the true adventure. Maybe I still am that girl…only better. Wiser. Freer. (Is that a word?)

And, maybe…just maybe, I will give in to Mr. Gerken’s pleas for a motorcycle. Someday. After all, he does need something to ride in the Ride4Grace run that supports SGM. Then I could feel the wind in my hair and embrace the adventure of chasing my Savior.

You never know.

Anyhoo…the winners of the He Heard Hannah giveaway are:

Holly Haas from Caring for Carleigh 

and

Coby (comment #12)

Congratulations! I know you will be blessed by the amazing story of the Kraft and Becker families…and the faithfulness of our loving God!

And, if you didn’t win…go order a copy…today! =)

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One more thing. This Good Friday has been a bit busy and hectic, not the way I generally spend this sacred day. I like to take some time and reflect on what this day means….to soak in the gift our Savior gave when He stretched His arms out on the cross and died in our place. In my place. Today, I was bustling around Chicago, with my boys and my dad. Soaking in the fleeting moments. Many things are behind and on hold while I soak in these moments.

But, in the times today, when all was still and the rhythmic breathing of sleeping boys, tired from a day in the city, filled the car…my thoughts fixed on Him. My Jesus, my Savior. Oh what unspeakable, amazing love that my mind cannot conceive. That He would leave the 99 and come for me…and now I’m His…and He over and over again, seeks and saves each lost one. The shepherd…seeking His sheep. He is beautiful. He is amazing. Though my quiet moments were fleeting today, and this season of my life is busy and full of distraction, He is there….and the truth of His love, His sacrifice, my salvation and yours….nothing can squelch it.

Clinging to the cross…resting in the knowledge that I am His…soaking in the moments…and looking forward eagerly to Sunday’s celebration. For He is risen indeed! Happy Easter!

Also…a more extensive and detailed thank you is coming, but for now…Thank you to Holly Haas and all those who donated and bid on items in the 2012 SGM Auction. We once again had a fabulous turnout of those participating. And, donators gave 155 items to the auction. It was fabulous….and we are so grateful! Blessings to all of you.

I am so excited to be one of the bloggers on the He Heard Hannah blog tour!

Why?

Well, number one…because one of the fabulous authors of the book is my beautiful friend, Lynnette Kraft.

And, number two…because He Heard Hannah is an amazing story of God’s grace, redemption, and relentless love.

I love the way Lynnette writes from her heart, with genuine honesty. I truly feel as if we are sitting in her living room on the couch chatting as I read her words on her blog, and in her books. (She with her Starbucks and me with my tea and honey, of course.) She is real, and that’s why we love her. Needless to say, I was looking forward to reading He Heard Hannah, knowing that so much of Lynnette’s first book, In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me, resonated with my own story. Let me just say, I wasn’t disappointed.

Lynnette’s story of heart wrenching loss and unimaginable grace facing the death of her daughter Anna, is woven beautifully with Courtney’s journey through depression and other struggles to redemption. We mothers who have said goodbye to our children long to know that their lives mattered to others. We long to see evidence that they impacted this earth. We long to see God’s hand at work, evidence that He sees. Evidence that He is who He says He is. Evidence that He will make all things new. He will bring beauty from the ashes, restore what is most broken, redeem lives marred with sin, and pursue us with His relentless love. This story – the story woven through the lives of the Kraft and Becker families – offers evidence of all of the above.

He Heard Hannah is a beautiful testament of the grace our God showers on us. I love the way He worked in the lives of the Kraft and Becker family, and the way He brought them both together. Anna’s life was used to bring healing to a broken heart and salvation to a weary soul. Her life has no doubt brought healing to many hearts…and He continues to use her life to touch the lives of so many. I love the way God works to restore and heal in unexpected ways. And, I’m so grateful to Courtney and Lynnette for telling this incredible story.

I am happy to be able to provide a copy of He Heard Hannah to two winners who enter the giveaway on this post, thanks to the wonderful people at Comfort Publishing! As my friend, Lynnette says: “Can I get a YOWPAH?!” All you have to do is leave a comment on this post to enter. Winners will be chosen by Good Friday.

And, if you don’t win….buy a copy of the book for yourself! It’s an amazing story, and ya’ll know how much I love a great story!

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P.S. Don’t forget that the 2012 SGM Online Auction starts Wednesday, April 4-6 on the Caring for Carleigh Facebook page. Lots of wonderful items to bid on. Hope you’ll stop by and join in the fun…and spread the word! =)

Last night, it was the perfect storm for such an occasion. I had an empty house, and a bad case of procrastination with a long to-do list staring me in the face. That’s what drove me to go to my friend Raechel’s Scentsy party. (Actually, I walked…since she lives two doors down.) Yes, I know. Scentsy. Even the name makes me shudder a little. Not to disgust or offend my lovely friends who may take the time to melt wax in really expensive containers to make your house smell pretty. Nothing wrong with that at all, if it’s your thing. Lighting a candle is as high maintenance as I get with the scented stuff. A cheap candle…from WalMart. I don’t have time to worry about more than that, nor money to spend on maintaining the scent level of my home with packages of wax.

Raechel was a lovely hostess, offering us a delicious array of appetizers and fun conversation. I smelled the samples until my nose couldn’t smell anymore. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Ok, so it wasn’t half bad for a catalog party! I even bought some car fresheners for the Tims and me. And, some body spray. Sorry…no chance I was buying the melty pot things and bars of wax to melt.

But, after the party…

The women were gathered in the kitchen. Most of the ladies in attendance were Raechel’s family. Mom, sister, aunt,, daughters. For a moment, I stood by the table, watching them laugh and chide one another with a familiar exchange. Bantering back and forth like we do with those we love…the ones we are most comfortable with…the ones who get us. And, there it was…sweeping in unexpectedly, as it always comes. The missing. The longing. I watched Raechel with her mom, an easy exchange between a mother and daughter. What I miss most about my mother is gathering in the kitchen. To laugh, joke, tease, share a tidbit of the days. I miss when I was young and Grandma and Aunt Cheryl would gather with us in Mom’s kitchen. We had the same easy way amongst ourselves. Same banter. Same safe place that only exists with those who truly know you…and get your silly quirks… and love you just the way you are.

I miss gathering with my childhood friend, Nicki, in her Aunt Linda’s kitchen while generations of women baked delectable Christmas goodies. I ache to gather in Dinah’s marvelously eclectic kitchen…to laugh, to pray, to delve further into a morsel of His Word and chew on it a bit, to cry together…to feel at home. I miss gathering in Ginny’s kitchen with a brood of young children climbing all over the denim jumpers we spent our 20s wearing, covered in flour as we baked sugar cookies. And, I miss the bible studies in her dining room, when a blue haired, droopy pants-ed teenager named Amos took care of our brood of young ones so we could discuss passages in Corinthians.

My mother, Aunt Linda, and Dinah no longer walk this Earth. Someone else fills their kitchens. Or maybe they sit empty, echoing silently with the years of laughter and memories that once reverberated off the walls. Ginny, Nicki, and I have our own kitchens. Our own busy lives that prevent most kitchen gathering moments. And, I suppose there will be times when my kitchen serves as a gathering place for women. My favorite times now are those when my house is filled with people I love, and the sounds of laughter as we gather in the kitchen. Gerken Baking Day. Holiday gatherings. The missing I feel for the women who met together once in the kitchen with me, is so intense. No one knows you like your mom…it’s true. Sometimes I feel so desperate to laugh with her in the kitchen, I’ve even dreamed about it. But, perhaps the time has come for me to fill my own kitchen…with whomever I can. I am limited on the women who fill my kitchen. Most of time, if my kitchen is full, it’s filled with boys. That makes me happy too. Listening to their stories…offering a place where someone “gets them”….and loves them just as they are. Maybe someday, those boys will bring wives to my kitchen, and we can gather and laugh and make new memories. Maybe their young ones will climb all over in the flour as we bake. (I can promise you, though, I will not be donning a denim jumper. Ever again.) Maybe it doesn’t have to be just women in the kitchen. Maybe it’s about family. And, not just the family that exists by blood…but those who are family in our hearts.

In the busyness of life, it’s good to stop and remember that the things that make the most lasting impression on our lives and hearts aren’t the elaborate plans we make, or big trips we take, or even the ball games and other activities in which our children participate. It’s the simple gathering as a family in the kitchen. Or where ever. To laugh with the people who see us as we are…and love us anyway. My mother always said, in the simplest of times…when things were going well, or when they fell apart…”We’re making a memory.” She was right. My most precious memories will always be the daily moments we spent, gathering in her kitchen.