When Your Offering is Rejected


Rejection. It happens often. It is most definitely prevalent in the lives of artists and writers.
But, not just artists and writers. Any human being on planet earth will experience rejection at some point.

Your love, offered to another, may be rejected.
Your friendship.
Your ministry.
Your gift of time.
Your talents and abilities.
Your very presence.

Something you give from the depths of your heart will be rejected at some point during your stay here on planet earth. And, it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter who you are, it will happen.
And, when it does…when you question the value of not only your offering, but your very self…not only to the vessel doing the rejecting…but to the God who vowed to love all of you for all of eternity…
Hear me when I say…It doesn’t matter.

The first questions sneering at me in moments when my offering is rejected are…

Did I lose favor with God? Was I not enough? Was my offering unworthy, flawed, too broken, too lacking?
Have I done something to lose favor with God?

Followed by a parade of accusations of all my flaws…proof of my glaring unworthiness. Accusations of all the ways I fall short, don’t measure up…of all my cracked and broken places, seemingly as yet unredeemed.

The first thing is…

Apart from Jesus, every ugly thing the Accuser whispers in the dark of night…is true about me. But, with Jesus…because of Jesus…none of it is. Because I am remade, redeemed. His.
Only…by His blood.
Not by any offering I lay before Him. Or before the world.

He reminded me last week via the song “You Are More” by 10th Avenue North…when the noise was so, so thick I couldn’t hear His truth. ‚Ä™Because there is nothing. Nothing like trying to hear the quiet steadiness of God’s truth through a storm of crippling lies.

“She knows all the answers
And she’s rehearsed all the lines
And so she’ll try to do better
But then she’s too weak to try
But don’t you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.
‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.”

And, the next thing is…

That rejection doesn’t matter.
It isn’t a rejection from our God. Because He already accepts us, as we are, covered by the blood of Jesus and fully redeemed. He could no more reject us than we could reject the offerings of our own children. He shines with beaming love for us…and our every stumbling effort. He sings over us with sheer delight. That is the Father we have….that is our Abba Daddy.

So the stinging rejection. It doesn’t matter.
Never mind it.

It doesn’t define you. It shouldn’t cripple you. The enemy wants to at the least use it to distract you from the work you’ve been giving to do. At the most, he wants to destroy you with it. To utterly paralyze you, so that you not only give up on serving and using the abilities God has given you to encourage another soul…but that you doubt everything you know is true about His undying unconditional love for you. He wants you to isolate yourself. To be alone with the crippling thoughts of despair. He wants you to believe that one rejection negates all the moments when you clearly saw God working…the true moments of ministry…the real and raw moments where you connect with another heart as all the passing barriers of this earth fall away and you hold another broken soul in your arms as Jesus meets you there in the midst, transforming your broken offering into His tangible love.

He doesn’t want you to pick up your head, to run to the truth…to strain to hear God’s solid and unwavering whisper of truth in the midst of a roaring storm of lies meant for your destruction.

Run to the truth in that moment with all that you have.

Give it all over to the Lord…the rejection. The offering. Your wounded spirit. Let Him sift through it all and decide what’s left. And, leave it there.

Because here is the crazy, freeing gift of it all.

Your offering was never for your glory. It wasn’t to gain you favor in His eyes or anyone else’s…it doesn’t exist to bring you success or failure. Your offering has nothing to do with you. How’s that for mind-blowing?

But, also…awesome.

Because when it happens…and it WILL happen…it doesn’t change a thing.

I am still His. Even when my offering is rejected. I am no less loved. I am no less His.
Nothing. Nothing can take that away.
Hear that. Receive that. Let that crazy, amazing truth soak into your bones. Not just as a paltry offering of pretty words. But, as living truth permeating your soul. You are His. You are loved. And nothing you do or say or don’t do…nothing that someone else does or says…nothing will ever take that away. It is secure. It is finished.
You are His. (See Romans 8:31-39)

He doesn’t change His mind. He doesn’t give up on us. He never quits the work He begins in us. (Philippians 1:6)

Which means, I am still called to do the work He has given me to do. No matter how much the enemy would like me to think that rejection means I should throw in the towel. Not so.

It is none of our business, rejection. It is none of our business if our neighbor’s offering is accepted when ours is not…an entirely different layer of rejection. One not worth exploring further except to say…
It doesn’t matter.
What is that to you? Go and serve the Lord.

Go love the person in front of you. And, the next and the next.

If a door closes in your face, ask God to lead you to the next one. And, go freely in His grace, unencumbered along the way. Don’t you dare…daughter (or son) of the Most High God…don’t you dare hang your head or carry the weight of what isn’t yours to bear. Leave it. let your identity be so hidden in Christ that it truly doesn’t even touch you.

Go be about your Father’s business with pure freedom in joy.
Because, it doesn’t matter.

You can only give you have to give, what He has given you. It is none of our business how that gift is received. And, it doesn’t define us.

It doesn’t matter.


Loving Your Husband in His Language…

In the spirit of using this blog and this ministry to encourage all women, not just those who are grieving, I’d like to switch gears this morning and talk about a touchy subject. I’ve been wanting to write about this subject for awhile, and a few recent conversations, as well as an article in the latest Focus on the Family magazine, prompted me to finally talk about it here.

I’ll warn you, I am speaking to wives in this post. (Although, husbands out there reading…and I know there are a few…you might thank me for this!) I’ll be adding this post to the encouraging women page to remain for future visitors, because truly, I think what we’re about to discuss is that important. And, I hope we do discuss it. I hope you will comment or email to share what is on your own heart about this. Just, please remember to keep it honoring to God and your husband…as I hope my words will be as well.

So…what is this very important topic that wives need to start talking about and offering a little more encouragement?

Intimacy in marriage…loving your husband in his love language…

I have found in conversations over the years, with married friends of mine, that the subject of marital intimacy can be a real issue. I don’t want to stereotype, because it can sometimes be the other way around. But, much of the time husbands enjoy feeling loved by their wives in a physical way. Women often feel loved when we are most secure, with gentle words of affirmation, time spent together, as well as physically.

In encouraging female friends of mine over the years, I have heard many say that they need to feel loved by their husbands in order to enjoy the physical part of marriage. They may say, “I wish my husband would…”(fill in the blank.). Some may enjoy physical intimacy, but fail to make it a priority…getting busy with the needs of children, work, home, etc.

In sixteen years of marriage, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share with you…woman-to-woman. These things are thoughts I’ve shared with friends who struggle in this area. And, although, I’m hardly an expert… and feel a little shy even talking about it, I think it’s something that’s important. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it pure.

1. Make time with your husband a priority, and start speaking his love language. While you should not go into this with thoughts of what you may get out of it (Physical intimacy should never be used to manipulate.), you may be surprised to find that if you are more physically affectionate and open to him, he may respond by being more loving with you in your love language. As he feels more secure in your love, he will reach out to you in more loving ways. Maybe words of affirmation…maybe hugs…you will be surprised at how you can melt his heart with your love. And, yes…it really is that simple.

2. Do not underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in marriage. A good friend of mine calls it the “glue that holds us together”. God designed sex in marriage to be a blessing. The marriage bed is “pure and undefiled”. So, we are supposed to enjoy one another, and make it fun. (Don’t believe me? Have you ever read the Song of Solomon?) Yes, it is for the purpose of reproduction…but also so much more. It is meant to be a blessing to both of you. Have you ever noticed that when we neglect this part of our relationship, there is more tension and distance? But, when we are making it a priority, there is a bond of affection and often more patience. We look at each other through eyes of love. And that love and commitment is renewed and solidified in the act of marriage. (The Act of Marriage is also the name of a really good book that encourages Christian couples in this area, too!)

3. Remember that your husband speaks a physical love language. Your love and respect give him confidence to be the man he is called to be. He needs this from you. It is part (a big part) of your role as helpmate. If he swats you on the behind as he walks through the kitchen, take it as a compliment and a sign of his affection. Be glad he thinks your behind is “swat-worthy”. And, you may just be surprised, if you begin responding to him in a physical way how he will respond to you.

4. Communicate with your husband about your needs and intimacy, using words of love and affirmation. And make sure he feels safe communicating with you. Remember this gift in marriage is not just for your husband, but for you too!

5. Don’t let your body image keep you from enjoying your husband physically. Some wives feel less than perfect (aren’t we all!), especially when comparing themselves to the unattainable images bombarding us in all forms of media. I think most husbands, though, are less critical, and maybe don’t even see the flaws we see when we look in the mirror. Most of the time, a man enjoys the soft physical beauty of his wife, and sees her through the eyes of love. I know this may not always be the case, but I think it is most of the time.

If this is an area you struggle with, I hope you found a little encouragement here. And, hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone. I just want to encourage wives to make loving their husbands a priority.

Be blessed and encouraged today! Now…go give your man a big kiss and tell him how great he is!