Mother of all Mothers Book Review/Giveaway!!

You are the mother of all mothers

CONTEST CLOSED: CONGRATULATIONS TO CECILIA LONG!! Please email your shipping address to sgm dot shipping at gmail dot com
 

“You were chosen to be your child’s mother. Yes – chosen. And no one could parent your child better in life or in death than you do.” ~ Angela Miller, You are the Mother of all Mothers

I am so honored and excited to review this true work of art from my dear friend and fellow mama touched by grief and loss, the beautiful and talented, Angela Miller. This gorgeous, real, raw work of art that speaks to the core of a bereaved mother’s heart with love, truth, encouragement, and validation. Gorgeous art from thee Franchesca Cox, and amazing words from thee Angela from A Bed For My Heart .

I need to say something. I am a writer. I don’t take words lightly, and I’m quite particular about the use of words as I believe they are a form of art. Words that speak to your soul…words that give the nagging ache or the gaping wound a name…those kinds of words are my therapy. They always have been. I can barely process a feeling without putting the right word to the experience. It relieves me, the release. Words are healing and powerful, just as they can be damaging and destructive.

So, when Angela’s words began to woo me, something resonated in my weary depths. Yes. Speak it, sister…write it. Give this gift to the world around you. Watching her find the words…name the twisted agony of a grieving mother’s heart. Watching her process, pour out, filter through, and just say it…set a piece of me free.

I have begun to fall in love with Angela’s heart as she posts her piercing words from time to time, upon lovely graphics on the A Bed for My Heart Facebook.

I had not taken the time to read her gorgeous essay first published on Still Standing Magazine. The one that resonated as a communal outcry of validation from mothers worldwide, speaking truth into their darkness. Literal beauty rising from the ashes, before our eyes. Women looking through their tears on the computer screen, somehow less alone, if only for a moment, because someone…someone spoke the very words that counteracted the accusing lies in her face, rolling unworthiness and defeat around in her tattered, grief stricken mind, choking away the life. And, someone…someone knows. Someone speaking truth and hope, even while she sits in the pits of moments of her own utter despair.

She speaks truth to dispel the shame and excruciating guilt that cloaks a grieving mother. And, the judgment that often follows…

So wash your hands of any naysayers, betrayers, or those who sprinted in other direction when you needed them most. Wash your hands of the people who may have falsely judged you, ostracized you, or stigmatized you because of what happened to you. Wash your hands of anyone who has made you feel less than by questioning everything you did or didn’t do. Anyone whose words or looks have implied this was somehow your fault.” ~ You are the Mother of all Mothers, Angela Miller

She speaks aloud of the what ifs, the shoulda, couldas and if onlys that plague a grieving mother. She speaks against the lies that say, you failed as a mother. Because speaking it, naming it takes away its power.

Her words remind you, mama, clinging to the last thread of hope in the midst of a whole lot of broken…that “you were chosen to be your child’s mother”. Chosen. And, no one is more suited for the role than you…even in loss.

She speaks hope in the midst of grief. And, in reading her words…her gorgeous, hope-filled, truth-talking words, I find a kindred spirit. And, I believe you will too.

Because we want to share this gorgeous gift, we are giving away a copy of Angela’s book, You are the Mother of all Mothers here on this post!!! To enter, please comment about an aspect of grieving the loss of your baby where you could use some hope…something that was/is a struggle for you, or speak some words of your own hope that you wish to share, born from your journey. For extra entries share on Facebook or Twitter. And, please leave a separate comment for each entry to make counting easier.

If you don’t win…or you don’t want to wait, you can purchase this beautiful book here: http://abedformyheart.com/buy/

 

Comments

  1. Jessica Payne says:

    I am struggling with the people not understanding. Someone very close to our family came up to me on Sunday at church and said that God wants me to move on. I am NOT depressed and actually have experienced SO MUCH emotional healing already. It just hurts. ❤️

  2. Jessica Payne says:

    Shared on Facebook.

  3. Carrie Colarocco says:

    I am struggling with the people not understanding, postpartum depression, and ptsd. People tell me to move on and forget about my two angels cause it is going just hurt me if I don’t. I am NOT depressed and actually have experienced SO MUCH emotional healing already. It just hurts. ❤️

  4. Carrie Colarocco says:

    shared on facebook

  5. Crystal Tester Privette says:

    I struggle with severe depression, PTSD, panic and anxiety since my mom and daughter passed away. I lost my other 4 children, my home and the rest of my “family”. I have no support system at all and I struggle everyday just to get out of bed.

    • Hi Crystal, Wanted to let you know I sent you a fb message– probably went to your “other” folder.

    • Crystal, I am so sorry for all the pain you have walked through…and all you are walking through each day. Please know you aren’t alone. Sending prayers for you. If you would like to join our support group online, please know we are here and you are welcome.

  6. Bridgette Schaefer says:

    I am struggling with trying to look past the sadness and find beauty is all that is happened and also with I guess obsessing over him I can not stop trying to keep his memory alive it is always number 1 .

    • Bridgette,

      That beauty seems to come when it’s ready…bubbling up when we least expect it. It will be there one day, in pieces, in glimpses, and sometimes in overflowing abundance. When the beauty comes…or the moments of freedom, release, or even joy, don’t be afraid of them….or view them as forgetting your sweet boy. He is and will always be part of all of your life…the missing…and the joy and healing…and the beauty. Sending prayers for you.

  7. Veronica Hernandez says:

    I struggled so much with people telling me it was just a miscarriage not a real loss. But it was a real loss. I have found healing in my faith and surrounding myself with people who understood me.

    • I’m so sorry, Veronica. Every life matters, and that includes your precious baby. I’m so glad you have found healing in your faith and in your support system. Knowing you’re not alone means so much.

  8. Veronica Hernandez says:

    Shared on Facebook

  9. Amy Liu says:

    Shared on Facebook

  10. Janelle Dayton says:

    I am struggling forgiving my mother in law. I am a mother, despite what she has to say. She refuses to acknowledge our daughter, her granddaughter, even though it has been 2 years since we lost her. I am a mother of all mothers. Forgiving her hasn’t been easy and i am not quite there with forgiveness. Struggling with keeping her memory alive. But I know she’s my daughter and that’s never going to change.

  11. Maria LoPiccolo says:

    I’m struggling with having lost my first/only child and feeling alienated from family life.

  12. Cecilia Long says:

    I struggled with and still do some the ‘less than’ value others gave E because he didn’t take a breath. Like his life had less value or meaning because he didn’t breathe.

    • UGH…with the less than. How can anyone compare the value of a life? Every life matters. There is no less than. I’m so sorry, Cecilia. Love and prayers for you.

    • I feel the same way Cecilia. The “less than”. I was told by my mom that she didn’t acknowledge M. I just don’t get it. You acknowledged her and celebrated her when she was healthy but not when she wasn’t going to survive. Both twins lived and were born. One would be forever silent. But she is not loved any less. Her prescence does affect. The relationship with our survivor who is in a way our rainbow too. Many prayers to navigate these waters for all of us

  13. Heather Woollard says:

    April 6, 2014 I gave birth to my 3rd daughter…she was stillborn. I never in a million years thought we’d have to make funeral arrangements for one of our own children, especially before even meeting her. I’m not depressed, I’m not broken, I’m a grieving mother with an angel. I now get treated differently, my feelings get tiptoed around, and I get ignored. I understand people don’t know what to sat, but it hurts when they don’t say anything at all. Holly introduced me to SGM and I think it’s wonderful. My angel daughter Leighton and her big sisters Bailey and Teagan are my whole world….<3

  14. Heather says:

    We just recently list our daughter on June 30, 2014. My hospital has a wonderful bereavement staff on the maternity ward. We have also had a lot of support from friends and family. I have found a great outlet had been writing in a blog. I have been able to express myself and tell everyone what’s going on without having to tell the story over and over again. We’ve only had a few remarks that I could have taken the wrong way but I have reminded myself that often people are concerned and well meaning and not actually intending to cause hurt. I believe education can help with this and have been excited about the online support groups.

    -Meredith’s Mom

    • Heather,

      I’m so glad you have been well supported throughout this journey. That makes such a difference. I have found great healing in the telling of the story, and encourage others to do the same! And, I agree, many times the hurt is unintentional. I think people speaking aloud about loss is really making a difference in helping to educate others.

  15. Nicole Fortune says:

    The hardest part is the never ending thoughts. I do not want to forget Samuel. I could do without reliving the hospital stay, thinking through all the what ifs and possible scenarios and wondering endlessly about the future. Driving, taking a shower, trying to sleep, making dinner, having conversation with a friend…it all comes back to the death of Sammy. I mentaly and emotionally need a break. When will I make peace? When will I know I am ready to have another baby?

    • Sweet mama, I wish I could give you an answer…just hold on until this day…and peace will come. I used to wish for a fast forward button through the raw grief, to the place where something felt “normal” and not so helter skelter and all-consuming. I wanted to get off that ride. But, there was no fast forward button. The only way out, is to walk through it. Praying for peace…or at least glimpses of piece through this storm. Praying you will feel God’s arms around you, carrying you through every step of the way.

      I can’t tell you the answer about another baby either. You may never feel fully “secure” about that decision. And there will likely always be some apprehension. But, that doesn’t mean the time will never come…and when it does, God will carry you through that, too. I wish I could tell you this tempestuous sea…this rollercoaster ride…will end soon, or even with another pregnancy…but with that comes another set of emotions. You just learn to swim here….in the sea that’s sometimes stormy and sometimes peace-filled. And, you’re doing just fine…even when it doesn’t seem like it. Messy is the way this is…messy and all over the place and full of unknown and surrender and struggle.

      Sending love.

  16. Nicole Fortune says:

    Shared on FB

  17. I am struggling with people forgetting Eliana. My FIL told someone in front of me that he had 5 grandchildren. What about her? She was actually number 5 and our rainbow was 6. It just hurts that she has been forgotten.

  18. I struggle with hurtful words that have been said by family members regarding our daughter and her life not being acknowledged simply because she did not make it to term like her twin brother. I also struggle with breaking down the walls we put up to protect ourselves against another loss. Our survivor has had quite the struggle, and just as those walls were breaking down he went into respiratory arrest in the middle of the night – found only because our cat alerted us and I was able to perform rescue breathing until EMS arrived . When I look at him and all he’s overcome I am so proud. I love him so much it is literally painful and brings me to tears sometimes. But highlights just how strong those protective walls were. Complicated too because sometimes like today when I watched him take his first very hard earned steps, I so very much wished I had his twin sister right there next to him. I never knew so many emotions could happen in one moment before I began this journey.

  19. I lost my Michael on April 21, 2014. I was 1 day shy of being 17 weeks along when i miscarried him. I was told that there was an infection in the placenta.

    Some people were there for me alot at first. and within a week later, its like no one was around. My sister lives in the same apartment building as me, i know if she didnt, she would still be by everyday.

    all i have is her and my cats,

    i am still very heartbroken, distraught, feel so empty, alone, and lost. think about my lil guy every day of course. cry pretty much every day. when i dont , its cause im in a fog.

    I have PTSD (which i mostly likely had even before loosing the baby) i have anxiety issues, and i strong belief that I am bipolar as well. i am a compassionate, loving, caring person (and a sensitive one at that)- loosing a child is devastating and the worst thing that can happen to a person- but im also not good with coping with death. and have separation anxiety sometimes as well.

    i was only going to write something simple. but im having an extra rough night with anxiety, so it helps to talk.

    • I’m so sorry, Kimberly. Please know you are not alone. I am praying for you, right now, in the midst of this anxiety ridden night. Praying for peace and comfort and rest…for your mind…your heart…your body. I’m glad you shared here…because I know what you mean, when things are hard and our thoughts are rolling around relentlessly. Talking does help.

  20. Making people nervous when the topic of my son comes up or second guessing what people may think when I post pictures if my kids at the cemetary. He’s their brother and it’s normal for us. I am not sure why I question….but I do it anyway because I can and it makes me ahappy

  21. Julie Lehman says:

    I struggle with how to handle people’s advice. Well, just one person in particular who claims to love me like a mother. She seems to think that she has a direct line to God and has been given the knowledge of “just what I need to do.” I never asked for her input and quite honestly, all she does is put more pressure on me. I don’t know how to draw safe boundaries with her but I’m just so tired of never meeting her expectations. And really who puts expectations on a grieving mother!?

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