Finding Christmas in the Broken

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A couple days ago, a pure white blanket of fresh fallen snow covered the earth, or at least my little corner of it. Today, rain has washed it all away, leaving behind a muddy mess. What a picture of facing Christmas after losing someone you love, or when your world for whatever reason, doesn’t match up with the picture perfect Christmas we envision. Facing Christmas after your world has been torn apart, and the beautiful innocence disappears like the pure fallen snow, washed away with a painful goodbye. You are left with the muddy mess.

The heaviness weighs down on your heart, stealing joy. You watch others rush around swept into the inertia of the swirling tornado of celebration and preparation. You may even join in as well. But, your heart weighs heavy with the burden of how. How to celebrate the holiday when all ideals are held in front of us…picture perfect families and gifts, decorated homes, a season of joy and laughter while deep in your soul the lonely ache howls deep, and a pained smile is hard to muster.

You may wonder about this Jesus. This Jesus we celebrate, the One who was born in a manger to the virgin and the carpenter. Where was He when the rains of death came and washed your innocence away? And, where is He now?

My own heart weighed with the daily heaviness of the pain others endure mixed with my own missing, wondered how. How do I speak of the beloved Christmas story…the coming of our Savior, in the midst of a mother’s broken?

How does the celebration of His coming mesh with the pain that keeps a weary heart from lifting her head?

Who is the Jesus? And, does He see? Does He know of her broken? Did He see her stand beside the tiny, cold grave? Does He see her now, navigating life without her own mother, and a trail of broken from the generations before?

People want to speak for Him everyday, to paint a picture of this Jesus. If we are known as Christians by our love, then we are often failing to allow our Jesus to be shown the way He is. He is the One that loves us so much, He will hunt us down in the deepest, darkest pit of despair.

Christmas isn’t found in the hustle and bustle, in the gifts, in the busy, in the lights, in the merry-making, or in the perfect picture of all the ideals we hold up as a standard. It isn’t in the perfect family or the perfect memory or the perfect red dress.

The broken aren’t meant to hide pain behind a strained smile, wondering what they are supposed to do with the pieces of life shattered and scattered about.

Christmas is for the broken.

If you want to know my Jesus. This is my Jesus. This is why He came. He came for you.:

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.

From Isaiah 61

He sees your broken. He saw it before you were knit together in your mother’s womb. He saw it before He left Heaven’s glory to make a journey to the cross He bore to rescue you. He saw your ruins, your former desolations, the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations. He saw. And, He came. To comfort all who mourn, to make beauty from your ashes, to offer you one day the oil of joy in place of your mourning…and a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that cloaks you in this season of grief. He saw. He sees. And, He came. To heal your broken heart. To set you free.

He saw. He sees. He came.

 

 

Comments

  1. Bea knisley says:

    You are not alone in your pain we can never get over loosing aprecious soul At any time the holidays just seem to Make us miss them more

  2. I have been trying to find a healthy way of grieving my Angel Babies & make peace with them being in heaven and not with me. The holidays are always the hardest. Time does not take it away. I think of them and the past years almost every day, silent tears on my pillow nearly every night. In my dreams my nightmares my soul, the person I was the person I am now and the woman i’m becoming by finally opening the flood gates from hell letting it all out. Learning to keep my head above the water and not drowning. This is such an exhausting battle but I guess its time. There are some of you I am a complete stranger yet you still show me love! This gives my hSorry to be away girls. You have all been on my mind and in my heart. I have been trying to find a healthy way of grieving my Angel Babies & make peace with them being in heaven and not with me. The holidays are always the hardest. Time does not take it away. I think of them and the past years almost every day, silent tears on my pillow nearly every night. In my dreams my nightmares my soul, the person I was the person I am now and the woman i’m becoming by finally opening the flood gates from hell letting it all out. Learning to keep my head above the water and not drowning. This is such an exhausting battle but I guess its time. Thank you all for your loving support. There are some with whom I am a complete stranger yet still show me love! This gives my heart wonderful hope that some good is left, good that is not fake or selfish and twisted. That there is hope and room left for dreaming and innocent love not yet tainted to the world. I will continue to fight every day to make peace with my past, look forward to tomorrow and know every day is a new start and not to be taken for granted. This brings my heart wonderful hope that some good is left, good that is not fake or selfish and twisted. That there is hope and room left for dreaming and innocent love not yet tainted to the world. I will continue to fight every day to make peace with my past, look forward to tomorrow and know every day is a new start and not to be taken for granted. Thank you for sharing, it has taken me 20+ years to even speak the words, my babies are not here. I have been blesses with 4 wonderful children. This is why I am still barely breathing.

  3. Thank you. My friends are struggling with the loss of their precious daughter. She was a shinning light and missed daily. This post helped her mother, my friend, even if just a little it makes it a great gift. Thank you

  4. I have had this struggle since Dec 7, 2010! That was the day I watched my mom take her last breath! Yes, Pearl Harbor Day and I say “It is a day that will live in infamy….in MY world!” Yes, she had been ill (Pulmonairy Fibrosis and Rhumetoid Arthritis) for a very long time. Yes, I know, she is no longer in pain! But, when she left me, a huge piece of me died too. I miss her everyday. I STILL run to the phone because I think I can call her only to stop and gasp and cry! Now, oddly enough, strange events occurred this holiday season to make me feel joy! On my calendar, I put the words BLUE Christmas on the 25th due to feeling sad. But that set things in motion oddly enough. My husband thought our tree was in the loft and he put that tree up for me. However, it was the tree that my mom, my sister and I called the BLUE tree. I swear, as I sat by it and began to move the branches, I felt my mom with me. Memories of laughter, singing, and chatting flooded over me….yes, I cried, but it was through laughter! At that moment, I knew my Blue Christmas wasn’t to be sad…thank you mom for helping me find the joy again!

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