Lies Women Believe ~ Chapter Three: Lies Women Believe about Themselves (Updated)

Each Monday, we are reviewing a chapter from the Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. This week, we are covering the Lies Women Believe about Themselves. I know several are reading along, but many have mentioned they are behind. I hope you will all stick with this book and join in some of the discussion…whether in the comments of these posts or in the Blog Frog Discussion. It is my hope and prayer that we may be an encouragement to one another in the areas that many women struggle with in their walk.

Let’s dig in. I’ll warn you. Nancy doesn’t mess around in this book. She tells it like it is, blowing to pieces many of the excuses women often use for their sins and shortcomings. And, in the frame of mind I have been in lately, I have to say: I’m loving it! I am so tired of being complacent and sluggish in my walk and in my life. You might wonder what I mean, since it looks like I’m quite busy with my family, work, and serving the Lord. I am busy…that’s true. But, my joy has been lagging for awhile. And, I’ve mentioned several times allowing myself to grow weary and distracted. It’s a constant battle…to stay focused, to resist weariness, to fix our eyes on Jesus, to seek Him and turn away from the things of this world. I’m a little tired of just treading water, when I know God has so much more planned for my life. (Now that I said that….I need to ask for prayer…because no doubt, the attack is coming! Let’s get our armor on!!)

Lie Number Seven:
I’m Not Worth Anything

The Truth:
Our value is not determined by what others think of us or what we think of ourselves. Our value is determined by how God views us.

How does God view us?
Psalm 139 tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that we are known by Him, and loved by Him. His thoughts to us are more than can be counted. He knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb and fashioned our days before we took a breath.

Romans 5:6-8 tells us that while were were still sinners Christ died for us. God gave His only son…while we were filthy and covered in sin, rejecting Him….He gave Him to die in our place….to make a way for us to be saved. That is how great His love is….He came for us.

In Ephesians 1:3-8, we find that we are blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, and redeemed….all for His good pleasure.

That is how precious and worthy we are….not because of anything we did. We find our worth in Him….because He gives us value…because we are forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus….because we are His.

Lie Number Eight:
I Need to Learn to Love Myself

The Truth:
By faith, I need to receive God’s love for me.
I already love myself. I need to deny myself and let God love others through me.

This lie is something we are fed by the world’s philosophy so often, we may not realize how much it has woven it’s way into our thinking. And, not to ruffle any feathers, but it’s such Bologna! As Nancy writes, “Our problem isn’t so much a ‘poor self-image’ as it is a ‘poor God-image’. Our need is not to love ourselves more but to receive His incredible love for us and to accept His design and purpose for our lives.”

She also writes, “Jesus taught us that it is in losing our lives that we find our lives.”

And later: “We naturally love ourselves; we do not naturally love others.”

My friend Betsy says a phrase that really speaks truth to this deception: She says “Me time is overrated.” I like that. We think we need to indulge ourselves more….when really we need to focus less on ourselves and more on others. You know what’s funny about that? We often find more contentment in denying ourselves and serving His purpose than we do when we try to indulge ourselves.

Lie Number Nine:
I Can’t Help the Way I Am

Excuses, excuses, excuses. I can be the queen of them, that’s for sure. It’s easy to get swept into the deception that our past mistakes define us….or the idea that who we are, or who our parents are, or the circumstances of our lives, determines how we should live and think. For instance, if someone was abused, they may think that they are doomed to be an abuser or marry an abuser….continuing the cycle of what they have known, feeling like they are destined to live this way, locked in bondage. This lie even goes so far as to give us an excuse for any reaction based on our circumstances….hormones, past, tiny house, difficult job, our feelings, the way our family always did things is the way we have to. All of those ideas allow the circumstances to dictate how we react and behave. We do not have to continue living this way…as if we haven’t been set free. We are free in Him….we do not need to be slaves of our circumstances and we are not defined by them. This is something I have battled from time to time. I’m grateful for the reminder.

The truth is:
We have the choice to obey God, and as His child, we are able to do so. We can be changed by His Holy Spirit. Our circumstances do not need to dictate our behavior.

Lie Number Ten:
I Have My Rights

The Truth:
Claiming rights leads to bondage….yielding rights sets me free.

Yikes….this one is a toughy. The emotions and feelings we women face are strong…and hard to resist. We feel we have a right to be angry when we are wronged or someone fails to meet our expectations.The right to be dissatisfied when things don’t go the way we want. We have a right to certain things…comfort, to be happy, to be loved, to have a good job, to have certain things, to live a certain way. As Americans, we are very good at claiming “our rights”. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the gift of freedom that we are afforded as Americans, but we need to remember that we are not entitled to have things go our way all the time. Staking claim on our rights leads to a lot of trouble.

I like what Nancy says to combat this lie: The fact is, successful relationships and healthy cultures are not built on the claiming of rights, but by on the yielding of rights.

Lie Number Eleven:
Physical Beauty Matters More Than Inner Beauty

The Truth:
The beauty that matters to God is our inner spirit…He looks at the heart.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
~Proverbs 31:30

I’ll be honest. I say that this one is not an issue for me. I say that of course, I believe that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty….eternally speaking. But, I don’t always live that way. I struggle with the idea of getting older sometimes. And, more and more, I notice the way younger women look, and sometimes even feel a twinge of envy. I don’t like to admit that ugliness…and try not to dwell there. But, it pops up every once in awhile. I’m not just disappointed in myself for going to God instead of food, because it is wrong spiritually. It bothers me to gain weight because I don’t like how I look physically. My gray hair and other imperfections bother me. I don’t always see myself the way God sees me. There is nothing wrong with caring how we look and trying to look nice for our husbands, and for ourselves. We should after all, do those things. But, looks should not be more important than the attitude of our hearts. My friend Monica did a great post recently on the deception of physical beauty, and some of the messed up views we women have on the subject.

Lie Number Twelve:
I Should Not Have to Live With Unfulfilled Longings

The Truth:
We will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven. (Rom. 8:23) 
Nothing and no one on this earth can fulfill us.
Longings on this earth create a desire for God and heaven.

We are inundated with this lie in our culture. There is a quick fix for everything it seems. Worldly philosophy which tells us that every longing we have should be fulfilled. Satisfy your needs with a how-to book, a vacation, a new look, a “deep-dish pizza” as Nancy says or you know…some people might choose a bag of Doritos. Same idea. Same lie. Same bondage. These things we look to will never satisfy us. In fact, they will leave us feeling more empty in the end. We have been created with what some call a “God-sized hole in our hearts”…a longing that only He can fill.

What Lies do you struggle with about yourself? And, what Truth do you need to cling to to free yourself from that way of thinking?

I need to remember to look to the Lord to fulfill all my longings. I also need to remember that the opinions of others do not define my worth. I am not defined by my past or by the actions of others. I am worthy because I am His….I am loved perfectly and completely by the Lord. I  need to guard my thoughts and search my motives. Remain in the word and in prayer daily.

This song by JJ Heller pretty much sums it up:

Praying for you this week…and appreciate your prayers for me as well. Please stick with this ladies. I would love to hear your thoughts on this week’s topic. Next week, we will be covering Chapter Four: Lies Women Believe About Sin.

Love to all…

P.S. Scroll down to the post below for an exciting opportunity to be blessed and encouraged with the ladies of SGM at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio.


  1. Amy von Oven says:

    My favorite comment is, "Jesus taught us that it is in losing our lives that we find our lives". After I lost Bethany I struggled, really hard for a long time and no one could help me. It took Jesus bringing me to rock bottom on my knees before him to see that he was the ONLY one who could give me life again….AMAZING!

  2. Walking by Faith says:

    Hi Kelly! It's been a while! I have a prayer request…I reached out to you, stacy & angie smith…3 ladies whom I look up to & know all too well the grief of child loss. One of my best friends had her 3rd baby (finally a girl) 3 weeks ago, but baby Maddie suddenly died of SIDS less than 48hrs of birth. Natalie (the mama) just started blogging to share her story. If you'd please pray for her & her sweet family. Thank you so much!~luv heidi

  3. Jennifer Ross says:

    I just finished up chapter three, and I have read so many excuses out of this book, that I have undoubtedly applied in my own life.

    Reading this book, really gets you to take a look in your "spiritual" mirror, and God does the rest. It's called conviction!……..With love. lol

  4. I just finished reading this chapter and I liked the part where she was talking about how it's okay to make ourselves attractive, but we are not supposed to be distracting because we are supposed to make the gospel attractive to the world. I loved that. It reminded me of the pink haired lady who attracts attention to herself and ends up causing people to make fun of Christians.

    I could really relate to the "I have my rights" one. That is one that caused me many heartaches over the years.

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